Metanoia

▶ The following story contains mutilation, gore, body horror, and existential horror. ◀

     “And it is for these crimes against the Karakee Vale—”

     “No, please!”

     “—that your punishment shall be swift, just, and immediate.”

     “No, no, no, please!” Hot tears poured down bruise, brown cheese. Amber eyes locked onto another aethereal being watching impassively nearby. “Eury, please, please tell them!”

But there was no heading their pleas. Damaris’ head was pushed down until the heavy bar of the stockade sealed over it. Their arms were cuffed at the elbow, and two strong figures stood behind their restrained body. Their hearts raced anxiously in their chest to the point where they began to feel nauseous from fear and anxiety. If that wasn’t enough, someone tall and imposing with a divine veil covering their face slowly walked in front of Damaris.

Their eyes widened as they stared at the red hot, twin blades of the cutting implement she held in her hands. Because of how close she was, they could feel the heat radiating off the tool. They tried to fight their restraints. Their chains rattled noisily, and the stockage didn’t budge. Damaris was only hurting themself, and the beryllium embedded into the wood only further sapped their strength.

The Keeper watched their struggle with pitying eyes. Damaris fought until they could hardly move. Their bare feet pushed against the polished black stone, and as they slowly lose their will, they began to sob again. The Keeper drew closer; he gently nudged the other being out of the way before he knelt before Damaris, who shakily met his eyes once more.

     “Please.... It was Eury. Ask them; ask them. Please, I’m begging you—”

     The Keeper sighed, long and slow, and then he shook his head. “Eury is our general, and they’re our strongest fighter. And as such her gravest mistakes still fall upon you.”

     Damaris’ eyes widened. “W-what?” They could hardly breathe the word; their throat felt tight.

The Keeper removed the leather tie from his loosely rolled scroll. He then reached up to tie back Damaris’ hair. He tried to wrangle the layered locks as well as he could with deft movements of his hand. Once he was finished, he exposed Damaris’ forehead and kept a clear space around their horn. He calmly collected the scroll afterward.

     “Eury was tasked as your Ward. Despite their usefulness, you were meant to watch her and guide her to make the best choices. We understand how, in times of war, morality can be blurred. But a genocide...” The Keeper shook his head. “We cannot forgive such a gross oversight. You shall bear the full weight of your failings, and they will be sent on a pilgrimage to atone.”

That was it? That was it? Damaris looked up at Eury again, and their gaze hadn’t wavered at all. The Keeper stood again. Damaris attempted to thrust their hands forward to catch his robes, his tail — something!

     “I was deceived! I was drugged and deceived, please!”

     “An even worse look for you, my dearest Damaris. We shall all learn from this. We will consider this your final gift to us,” The Keeper stated as he walked away.

That was it. He had said his peace, and he wasn’t going to let them speak. True sorrow and dread rendered Damaris mute, and even though they refused to be resigned to this injustice, they couldn’t figure out a way to deny their fate.

The terrible heat returned. Behind them, the other two executors stepped closer. Their hands grabbed onto each of Damaris’ wings.

     “NO!”  they wailed. It was their final plea.

     The Keeper climbed the dais until he came to stand beside Eury. “The will of the Vale is absolute.”

And then, the pain began. If it had been as swift as The Keeper had promised, then it wouldn’t have been as bad. It wouldn’t have been this raw, neverending agony that burst along Damaris’ back. The executors pulled with all their might. With each pull, they pumped their cosmic essence into Damaris’ body, forcing their divine veins to react and glow brightly under their dark skin. It was this glowing network that guided each tug. Damaris’ veins brightened dangerously until they burst like stars.

If only they could faint, but every pulse of new essence forced them to stay awake. The tearing of their wings kept their mind alive through every excruciating second. Damaris couldn’t even feel how much their throat was hurting among the haze. It was impossible to differentiate the pain. Their body heaved, and whatever they expelled only added to the mess of star-laden black ichor decorating the floor.

The executor in front of them held still. The heat from her divine cutters was drawing ever closer, and Damaris wasn’t sure if they wanted to watch her or close their eyes. They screamed again until their voice was as shredded as their back. Veins, muscles, and sinew dangled from their mutilated wings. Their divine heart beat quickly as it was wrenched free of its resting place before it finally stilled. Their spine came with it as did their lashing tail. But just before it was all removed, the trio of executors synchronised their movements.

On the fill pull, the blades hovered over Damaris’ forehead and snapped closed. It was the final straw. Damaris screamed until all of space and time trembled from their voice. Every source of light was extinguished in the room. Pain drove them truly out of their mind, but before they could enter a fully berserked state, Eury thrust out a hand and opened a whirling void beneath them.

Her eyes took on the darkness of pitch black space, and she snapped her hand closed. Damaris fell into the wormhole, and their body was expelled into the furthest depths of the universe.

.ㆍ. ⌒ . ㆍ. ⌒ .ㆍ. ⌒ .ㆍ. ⌒ .ㆍ. ⌒ . ㆍ.

They weren’t meant to survive, and perhaps later on, they would see it as a bizarre act of mercy from Eury that they were cast into a place they would never be found. Or it was further inside. Who could truly say...?

But it was a fact that they laid dying in a place of gentle divinity. They could feel the world’s natural energy pouring into their body, but they were just too weak to put it to use. Their starry blood crawled across the soot-stained stones. Instead of fighting anymore, they could only cry as they closed their eyes and awaited their end.

They fell into a new kind of darkness, one free of pain and so tenderly soft. If Death was truly like this for all things, they had no idea how anyone could fear it. Unbeknownst to them, a den of snakes crawled up to them. Some paused to look at the blood while others crawled up and around Damaris’ prone form.

A massive hybrid beast slithered closer; its low rumble echoed within the cave. After a moment, a singular thought echoed through the serpents, and only a few were needed to bring it into reality.

Snakes that were bright orange and yellow and some that were pale and spotted white slithered up to the gaping wound in Damaris’ back. They opened their small mouths to reveal their sharp fangs before they bit into bone or flesh. They curled their bodies around Damaris’ exposed skeleton and began to rapidly decay as they poured paralysing venom and their life force into the entity. Smaller spiked snakes watched their kin before moving in as well.

They bit into Damaris’ open back, curled their tails around the being’s ribs, and pulled downward until they sank below and drew the flesh closed. Then, they used the spines in their bodies to press against the skin from underneath. The guardian creature moved in and curled their massive form around Damaris to protect them.

As they did, they licked at the blood on the divine body, and then they leaned over to lap at the pool of blood. The other smaller snakes remaining called in more of the kin from within the shadows to join in on this unexpected feast. Deep bruises healed slowly over time. They were a mottled mix of purple, green, and red on Damaris’ rich skin.

The massive creature only left to hunt a kill large enough to feed themself and their kin for days. Some of the smaller snakes ate to the point of bursting, and when Damarius gasped for life, one would crawl in their mouth as a sacrifice to feed them.

Damarius had an odd lucidity as their soul hovered between life and death. While there was no longer any pain, they knew that they were dying. Had been dying now. Through some bizarre miracle, they were still here. They didn’t know how long it was before they woke from their liminal prison.

When they came back to their body, they started to speak only to choke on whatever was in their mouth. They swallowed without thinking, but there was also a pang of fear as they feared throwing up whatever was inside of them. But their body was sated. They felt full even... Though they were far from revitalised, they didn’t feel nearly as strong during their judgement and subsequent expulsion.

Their eyes flared with all the fury of a red giant, but even that much power was enough to sap their energy again. They pressed their hand flat against warm stone and pushed themself up.

     “Where...?” they muttered before finally looking around.

There was a large fire nearby, but taking in their surroundings, they realised that they were in some sort of grotto. They tried to find the opening, but there was only caverenous darkness in the deepest recesses. Any one of these places could have led outward, but it was impossible to tell from here.

     “So, it’s true. You’re awake.”

Damaris snapped their attention to the newcomer,  and there was a painful twinge through their body when they did. The large creature slid closer. Gorgeous jewelry glittered in the firelight, and the guardian hybrid smiled as smaller snakes flanked them.

     “Where am I?” Damaris breathed.

     “Safe. In the Wilted Grove.”

     “The Wilted...”

It didn’t immediately ring a bell. It was very possible that Damaris simply wasn’t in their sector of the universe anymore, but they didn’t want to think about it now. They’d be able to find their way once they gained more power. They carefully moved to sit up, and a few serpents surged forward to help them. Hesitantly, Damaris felt themself relax.

     The hybrid placed a hand on their muscled chest. “I’m Sidene.”

     Damaris fanned out their fingers as an annatto-coloured snake bumped its head against their palm. “Damaris, Vanguard of...” They trailed off. They had no title, no status. They were nothing now. Their eyes burned with tears of fury and sadness. “Just... Damaris.”

     “It’s a beautiful name, ‘Damaris.’” Sidene slithered closely. A large piercing hung from the left side of their hood; another, smaller though of a similar make, decorated their nose. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

Whether this creature meant them harm or not was irrelevant. If they wanted to feast on Damaris, they had more than enough time, and if Sidene meant to make them suffer, they were far beyond the point of being able to feel fear. They stared deep into the fire. Sidene quietly watched them.

     “We can bring you things if you’d like. Proper food... Clothes, perhaps.”

     Damaris frowned. “Have you been feeding me?”

     “Our little friends wished to help, and so they made sure you were well-fed.”

     “How... No, don’t tell me.”

Damaris placed a hand on their head without thinking, and they could feel the scabbed lump where their horn used to be. Their fingers froze. They felt themself start to dissociate as a thousand different feelings clashed messily inside of their mind. The emptiness was further defied as their now singular heartbeat echoed in thier hollow chest. Before they could spiral any further, Sidene reached out and gently curled their fingers around Damaris’ hovering hand.

     “You should bathe,” they said warmly. “We have hot springs further inside, if you’d like.”

     “I...” The croakiness of their own voice sounded unfamiliar. All they could feel was despair, but feeling the touch of another managed to ground them. So, they closed their eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed slowly. “Yes,” they forced out. Now that Sidene highlighted it, they felt filthy. Their skin felt unnaturally itchy, and every time they moved, it felt like something was crawling along their back.

Sidene removed their hand. Even though Damaris was sitting in front of the fire, Sidene somehow took away some of the most substantial warmth. “We can guide you there.”

Damaris nodded, but just as they tried to stand, their legs shook pitifully. They bit their lip as they swallowed their embarrassment. They were the guardian of a general; they had been the muse of an army. They weren’t meant to be so weak. And yet...

     Sidene smiled but not unkindly. “It’s okay if you need our help.”

     Damaris swallowed and spoke in a soft voice. “...Please.”

     Strong arms opened out to them. “I can carry you.”

Damaris nodded frantically. Even being half standing was too much for them, but thankfully, Sidene moved quickly.

The former muse was swept off their feet and drawn closer to Sidene’s form. Their head rested against a muscled breast, and they crossed their arms over their stomach as they had nothing to do with their hands. The den of serpents slithered ahead, but Sidene took their time in following their kin.

They were kind as they didn’t ask questions or press Damaris to speak. In the first minute or so, the silence was oppressive; Damaris felt a profound nervousness overtake them, but even when that was too much, their feelings left them exhausted. Quickly enough, they found the quiet comforting.

It wasn’t long before the air became humid. Dozens of snakes crawled into recesses to sleep while others popped their heads into several hiding places and checked the perimeter. Damaris realised that they were making sure the area was safe, but as their eyes followed a line of serpents outside, they were greeted by the moonlight brightening the dark waters of the spring.

Natural rock pillars stood at the mouth of the grotto; stalactites lined the opening like teeth, and moss hung in front of them on the outside. Sidene started to lower Damaris to the ground, and the once-guardian held onto the hybrid’s powerful arm as they carefully descended into the water.

Once upon a time, they had their own valets to wash and perfume their body before dressing them in fine robes or war attire. But now, they were left naked and bruised, though there were little traces of their own blood that had covered them like a second skin. Dirt and dust came off their body in waves. Sidene laid across the stone behind them protectively, but they didn’t watch the celestial entity.

Instead, they looked out to the various serpents slithering nearby, and once the small ones had finished their patrol, Sidene carelessly flicked out their fingers to dismiss them. The berry-coloured group of snakes bowed their heads before finding little nooks to have their rest.

     “How long have I been out?” Damaris asked softly.

     “Nineteen nights, from the moment we found you.”

     “Ah.” Damaris clenched their hands. “So, why am I still alive?”

     “Many of my own gave their lives to protect and heal you.”

     Damaris looked alarmed as they turned to face Sidene. “You shouldn’t have!”

     Sidene shrugged. “It was no trouble; they wanted to.”

     “But you don’t understand what I’ve done! I’m... an exile, a criminal worse.”

     “What have you done to my own?”

     “...What?”

     Sidene tipped their head. “How have you brought me harm?”

     The question threw them. Their mind couldn’t connect the words. “I don’t... I just got here; I’ve been unconscious, but...”

     Sidene reached down to touch the tip of their nail into the water. “Then what do your ‘crimes’ matter to me?”

They had no real answer to that. No one they’ve ever met would have ever dreamed of asking them that. They only knew of order and justice; they only known fury in the face of slights. But to have something like this dismiss those very notions felt a lot like kindness.

They began to cry.

     Sidene clicked their tongue, and they cradled Damaris’ face. “Ana hati... I don’t mean to make you cry.”

     Damaris shook their head against the large palm. It hurt to be held so softly. “No, it’s... I just can’t imagine this. After what I’ve endured, it’s just...!”

     Sidene stroked the tears away, though they could feel the being trembling. “Take your time.”

When they removed their hand, Damaris shivered, so they carefully moved deeper into the spring, but without something to hold them upright, they would sink. They shifted back with a frown and sank below until the water came up to their chin. They looked outside to the night sky and felt whole. The world was still beautiful despite everything; there was still strength for them to find and hold onto. They reached out a hand in an attempt to draw some of that galactic power, but nothing responded.

Damaris had been stripped bare in more than one way. They felt so truly, terribly alone. They pursed their lips together and brought their hand underwater again.

     “Food would be wonderful,” they said before long.

     “Cooked?” Sidene guessed.

     Damaris frowned. “Bloodied... Barely alive.”

     “Ah.” Sidene smiled. “You’re after my heart, I see.” They pushed up and curled their tail underneath them.

     “Anything else?”

     Damaris scoffed, and they leaned their head back against the stone. “Not unless you can help me get revenge.”

     “Why not?” It was said with a lilt. Damaris wasn’t sure how to take it. They stared at the serpent upside down, and Sidene smirked at them. “But those are details we can discuss another time. Anything else?”

     “N... No.”

     Sidene bowed and then took their leave.

Damaris carefully turned around to watch them go. They crossed their arms on the warmed stone and stared into the shadows. After a bit, they glanced around to see several nooks and crannies filled with colourful serpents. Some of which were stargazing while a majority were sleeping or at least curled in a resting position.

It was strange how all of this felt. Like nothing with the same impassivity of something they had done all along. Rote in a way that the unfamiliar shouldn’t have been. It just felt... natural to be in the company of dozens (or maybe hundreds) of serpents. They wanted to think more about it, but everything hurt. Their mind, their body, anything in-between and outside.

Maybe once they gained some energy, they’d be able to walk through their thoughts more. And if Sidene had been serious, even a little, they could find the power within them to plot the course for the most satisfying revenge.